Thursday, December 18, 2008

"Nothing Is Definite Yet" -- Squirtch

My dad ran across this in the old Illinois Wesleyan newspaper; It's a story by my grandpa (his dad)  that he wrote there. He attended Wesleyan after fighting in the Korean war, and I think he was a senior when he wrote this. I, personally, think this is awesome.

"Nothing is Definite Yet" -- Squirtch 
By Neil Langrill

The other day I drove over to the campus and parked my car in President Holmes' place. As I got out of the car my friend, the only one I have by the way, walked up to me and kicked me in the shin. This was the way we had decided to greet each other. Then we started to walk across campus toward the Grill, making sure not to walk on the sidewalk. The people that we observed on the way were obviously all idiots. One in particular! He was clean shaven and had his shoes shined. 
Once we arrived at the Grill we crawled in a window and sat on a table. Here we became engrossed in a deep philosophical discussion on why can't people be like us. Right in the middle of this trend of thought, a young man walked in the door. He had a jacket on that showed he was a fraternity man. It was obvious that he was a mental midget. My friend and I became very upset by this turn of events and wished we could walk up to him and tell him to throw away his chains and join the movement to nowhere. This did not bother us long, because we had more important things to solve for mankind.
The more we talked, the more we realized that people had been walking on their feet too long. We came to the conclusion that from that moment on we would walk on our hands. As we left the Grill we found this rather difficult, but we had made up our minds that we were right. By the time we got back to the car, our hands were bleeding profusely. We smiled and wiped them off on a couple of ignorant sorority girls who were passing. 
Then we paused and again started to talk. We discussed an idiot we both knew. This particular person had only one personality. This we decided was a bad thing. He was a person who thought there were some good things on this campus. He would admit there were a lot of wrong things, but he had the audacity to think that people would be able to work these out for themselves.
As we parted we shed a few heartfelt tears for humanity and wondered how long it would take us to convince them to walk on their hands.

Neil: How many sides has a circle?
Jim: Two---inside and outside.

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